


The Naughty Nights of Nurse Nina

by sabinelagrande



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Community: house_fest, Gen, Humor, Medical Play, Porn, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-28
Updated: 2007-09-28
Packaged: 2017-10-05 06:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Get your MedicalFantasies.net passport for only $12.95!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Naughty Nights of Nurse Nina

"Kathy in orthopedics told Marc in peds, who told Michelle, who told Jenny in OB, who told Vijay in radiology, who showed it to Rick from maintenance, who told Parker in bariatrics, who told Lily in oncology, who told Emma in the clinic, who got caught looking at it by Brenda, who said she'd seen it years ago, which was overheard by Foreman, who told me," Chase recited, all in one breath.

Cameron opened her mouth, then closed it again, seeming to change her mind. "Who told Kathy?"

Chase shrugged, leaning across her to type in the address. "He didn't say."

"This is going to be like two potatoes and a jar of jelly, isn't it?"

"I don't think there are supposed to be any pictures, thank god."

A webpage appeared in lurid pink, a pair of syringes crossed below the logo, which was presently blinking. "MedicalFantasies.net? Please don't tell me that people-"

"Afraid so," Chase replied.

"How can there be so much of it?" She clicked on the section labeled "Stories" and was met with a laundry list of titles. "Where do you even start?"

Chase shrugged and picked one at random, taking the mouse from her. "This looks promising."

They read for several moments in silence, Cameron making little scoffing sounds, Chase's expression of shocked disgust growing more cartoonish by the second.

"What doctor would ever give her own patient a bath?" she asked rhetorically. "Have these people ever met a doctor?"

"'The thin material of his hospital gown barely covered his growing-'" Chase broke off. "You know, that's not really a positive thing, in my experience."

"Way to pass judgment, bondage boy," House said from behind them, peering in over Chase's shoulder.

Cameron startled. "We were just-"

"-Doing research." Chase finished.

"Well, research that one below it," he said, reaching across Chase to point it out with his lolly pop. "Sounds sexy."

"'The Naughty Nights of Nurse Nina'?" Cameron asked dubiously.

"I think I saw it on SpectraVision once," House told her. "'You've been a very bad girl,' Nurse Nina said, taking the restraints from the drawer," he read. "Oooh, I like it already."

"What are you-" Foreman started from behind him, but he was quickly shushed.

"Roughly Nurse Nina yanked her feet up into the stirrups," House continued. "She reached for the speculum on the table, the metal cold and unforgiving in her fingers. 'Now, lie still, and this won't hurt a bit.'"

"A man wrote this, didn't he?" Cameron asked rhetorically, clicking the back button. "Here's one is by 'Foleyluver75'-"

"NO!" the others shouted in unison.

"It's either that or," Cameron squinted at the screen, "AssManInNY."

"AssMan's still a better bet," Cuddy said, from the back.

"Even if it's called 'Proctology for Fun and Profit'?" Chase asked.

"I think I went to that conference," House opined.

"Don't be stupid," Cuddy told him, rolling her eyes. "You know you didn't go to a conference."

"Oh god," Chase swore, staring at the page.

"What?" Foreman asked, leaning in.

"There's a section for pictures after all."

They stared at it in mute horror for several seconds before Chase remembered how to use the mouse.

"This isn't right," Cameron said, suddenly conscientious.

"You're right," House agreed. "Wilson should be here. Don't start a new one without me."

Hopping the partition on the balcony, he found Wilson in his customary position, a huge stack of files sitting in front of him. "You have to come see this."

He sighed. "Is this about what Lily said Parker said Rick said Vijay said Jenny said Michelle said Marc said Kathy said?"

House blinked, trying to count it back on his fingers and giving up. "Probably."

Wilson sighed. "House, I have much more important things to worry about the sick things people do on the internet."

"Killjoy."

"Dying children will do that to you, the bastards," he deadpanned. "Show me later, if it's really critical to my wellbeing." He turned back to his papers, making notes on a legal pad. Rolling his eyes, House hobbled out of his office, muttering under his breath.

Wilson counted to ten after the door caught before looking up. Furtively, he flipped to the back of his pad, looking out of both his doors to make sure no one was coming.

"Where was I?" he muttered. He took up his pencil and picked up where he had left off:

_"You've been a bad patient," the dashing young doctor said, his gloves making a loud snapping sound as he pulled them on. "But I think I know just the right treatment."_

Cuddy told him, rolling her eyes.


End file.
